loneliness is a bastard.

loneliness is a bastard. it creeps in through our pours slowly over time and builds. it does not warn us. it does not apologize. it simply filtrates us one day at a time, knowing that if is remains patient and takes its time, we wont see it coming. and then one day, there is enough of ourselves occupied with this loneliness and we finally begin to feel it.. when did that happen? why am i so lonely inside? why now? why all of a sudden this vast emptiness? we ask ourselves. and the truth is that it wasn't sudden at all. no loneliness knows just how to trick us and manipulate us into believing that it came with a reason, that it can be taken care of, remedied. it makes us believe that we can heal and find our complete selves again. this is the ultimate betrayal. because in order to move on from this insufferable emotion, we then begin to believe it's lies of recovery and our instincts begin to fall in love with those lies. our instincts tell us that we will be okay, that everything will be okay. that all we have to do it call someone and talk, or distract ourselves with work, or sleep through the pain. and at some point we adjust. our body accepts this new level of loneliness and we get up and move on. we say that we feel better but we don't. we say that it doesn't bother us anymore but it does. we become desensitized to this new level of pain. and our instincts agree with it.

then it is only a matter of time before the loneliness returns one day at a time. hoping we will not notice it, and that if we do, we will learn to ignore it, so that it can keep on doing what it does best. destroying us until we collapse.